Mexican Word of the Week: Cashew

SK: “My girl just caught me cheating on her”
Sam Bam: “Wait you made her CASHEW”

March Madness Running Diary

12:20- Games start we have Butler-LSU
12:27- Good thing I picked against Butler they cant seem to figure out how to pass
12:28- Clark Kellogg just said Butler relies on taking care of the ball, hitting free throws, getting rebounds and hitting open threes. The only thing he left out was 2 point field goals. I’m glad John Madden is rubbing off on everyone.
12:37- Matt Howard picks up his second foul… Its hard to imagine this guy ever did anything athletic in his life let alone win his conference player of the year award. He even wore a tshirt underneath his jersey
12:40- A 3 point shot is now a haymaker instead of a rainmaker even when the team shooting is down 8. Thanks Jim Nantz
12:44- Game switch A&M vs BYU… BYU cant rebound or score not a good combo if your looking to win. They’re down 11. Memphis 16 CSNR 17 it looks like a Conference USA game but its not.
12:46- Butler has one field goal in 11 minutes. No one has scored any points in the last 4 minutes. I think this games going to come down to who can score more points.
12:48- Butler ends the drought with a 3. Clark says a 4 point game is a 1 and a quarter possesion game now.
12:53- A&M is up 15… ESPN said BYU was a lock for the win
12:55-Tasmine Mitchell on LSU drains one over the backboard which is amazing on its own but he was also on one foot. No one seems surprised he hit it
1:06- A player on Butler just used the jump stop to split 2 defenders. Everyone stopped because it was an obvious travel only it wasn’t called. Just another reason to hater this move
1:10- Matt Howard is not wearing basketball shoes. He still has his Etnies on
1:15- The half time switch to Memphis-CSNR shows that CSNR is playing really well and Memphis is playing really bad and CSNR still isn’t winning
1:17- Memphis still cant shoot free throws as Robert Dozier hits 1 of 2 but lead the 15 seed by 3 at the half
1:24- Every game is at halftime and the question is why? There should never be a moment without basketball on this day. Its ridiculous. And Jim Calhoun is in the hospital which isn’t good news for UConn.
1:32- Matt Howard might be my favorite player in this tournament. He can’t run, he sets picks like he’s doing the splits, he’s got a goofy flow going AND he wears the white man tee underneath the jersey. If he has basketball shoes on, he would be in the top 3 players I like in this tournament.
1:35- Matt Howard can’t jump either. If he only had glasses or red hair…
1:36- How can these black guys not punch him in the face when he backs them down. It has to piss them off that their being bullied by a geek.
1:38- Clark Kellogg insists that if Butler hits 8 threes in this game, they will win.
1:40- I will never understand the timeout one play TV timeout sequence
1:44- Alley-Opp for the Butler lead. LSU looks scared
1:48- LSU cant miss jump shots or stop Howard from getting every loose ball
1:52- LSU has hit 2 layups Butler has hit 2 jump shots. It’s really a matchup of opposites
2:30- I took a break but well recap. CSNR was winning by 8 but their Cal State Northridge so they blew it and Memphis extended their streak of beating crappy teams. Butler put up a good fight but couldn’t pull it off after hitting 3 threes to try and come back in the end. An interesting strategy came about when Howard got hurt and came out so a white sophomore could come in and shoot the free throws. He sunk both proving it to be a good move. BYU sucked and got the shit kicked out of them. Also Jim Nantz and Greg Gumble used some interesting phrases that made them sound both gay and uneducated.
2:41- Purdue/No Iowa … You know your a small school when CBS does a full school profile on you so that people know who you are
2:43- Purdue shows an array of passes that are unnecessary and end with a dunk. Its evident that their trying to win this game for the Big Ten because Michigan State is the only other team advancing from a conference that got 7 teams.
2:47- Purdue’s largest player launches up a 3 on a designed play… Not even close there’s a reason that they have no shot at going to the Sweet Sixteen
2:56- This game is almost an exact replica of LSU-Butler. No Iowa played terrible but they’re creeping back in this because Purdue isn’t that good
3:04- Game switches to UConn-Chattanooga. Thank God there is nothing more boring than a Big Ten-Crappy Mid-major game. Why is the Big Ten not a mid major?
3:10- Chattanooga needs to keep forcing UConn to shoot 3s. Pitt and UConn WILL be ousted by the first team that gets hot from deep because both teams lack any shooting whatsoever
3:13- The closet Chattanooga can’t get closer to the basket than a NBA 3 which is funny since they are winning this game by 2
3:23- UConn takes the lead. I guess this game is over
3:27- Why isn’t the Cal-Maryland game on?
3:31- Jay Bilas’s partner says “A 16 seed has never upset a 1 seed. Chattanooga is not a typical 16 seed.” So does this mean there is no chance or a very small chance of an upset?
3:37- THEY SWITCHED THANK JESUS
3:37- Jorge Guiterez is a basketball player on Cal not a baseball player on Team Mexico
4:33- Northern Iowa showed some life but couldn’t come back. I guess being down 10 the entire game doesn’t help. Questionable charge calls also went to Purdue. I think the NCAA likes blowing up crappy Big Ten teams to make it look like there’s 3 good conferences.
4:43- Vazquez of Maryland silences the crowd with the SHHHHHH. This game appears to be over not only because the Pac10 sucks but because they can’t even inbounds the ball
5:07- Jorge Guiterez cries either because he’s being deported back to Mexico or because he lost to the Terps
5:14- Game’s over the news is on.

Update

Thursday will be a running blog of the first couple games in the NCAA Tournament posts will come around 5

Mexican Word of the Week: Frito

Sam to a cop while in jail on drug charges: “Am i FRITO go?”

Big Board of Thoughts: Dirty Doug Aftermath

His screen name is not actually littledick888. He says having a little dick is news to him. Enjoy

littledick888: hey
littledick888: she was cool with it
littledick888: and the next morning i regreted it
Me: does your piss still burn
littledick888: haha no
littledick888: its smooth like silk
littledick888: thanks for reminding me though im gonna put a condom in my wallet right now
littledick888: for future adventures of dirty doug
Me: what was going through your mind
littledick888: i was just like “awww fuck”
littledick888: then i think i went piss and went back to sleep
littledick888: it(sex) actually took pretty fucking long
littledick888: i had what is refered to as whiskey dick
littledick888: bc i was quite drunk at the time
littledick888: right when i got there i played 3 games of 6 cup grain ruit
littledick888: and the rugby house makes strong grain

Big Board of Buds: Dirty Doug

Dirty Doug is a unique character. He played football and track in high school and tries to play Rugby in college. His nickname in high school was T-Rex arms based on his unusually short arms but his nickname on the Rugby team is Douglas Yancy Funny. He really cannot control himself when he starts to pound. On 2 occasions he has urinated on something that wasn’t his. One was all his roommate’s belongings and the other time he urinated on a door near his own. While he has outgrow his pissing on things stage, he continues to act like a toddler when he consumes a fair amount of alcohol. Usually he just starts running around being energetic kind of like a kid with ADD. Last week before a big game he asked his roommate, “What are the chances of us winning?” His roommate answered “About the same as you getting laid this weekend.” After the unlikely upset, Dirty was convinced he was getting laid. When he failed to get any action on Friday, he dressed up real nice for the party on Saturday. The party had a spring break theme and they were handing out hawaiian leis. So about an hour into the party I tell Stormin that Dirty did indeed get leid. When Stormin started laughing Dirty asked what was so funny. After we told him he got depressed for about an hour. But then he got drunk so he turned into the energetic delight we know him as. At 12:30 he decides to leave the party and go to another one. Dirty actually met a girl there. So he asked the owner for a key upstairs and they started doing it on the futon. She asked him “Are you wearing a condom?” He said very bluntly “No” and kept going. A short while she asks him again “Are you wearing a condom, cus if your not I’ll have to hunt you down and kill you.” Dirty just ignored this because he was unprepared even though he knew he was getting laid. Then he blew his load on her chest and she put her shirt on. The fluid showed right through. I really don’t know what either of them were thinking. Rawdogging is not a smart idea and she must not have been bright either because he blew it on her chest. I mean really. But Dirty got it done so that’s all that matters

Big Board of Thoughts: Sock Monster

The Sock Monster is a creature that dwells by washing machines everywhere. He has never been seen but always leaves atleast 3 unmatched pairs. He never eats the same kind of sock twice leaving the person with unmatched socks leading to a fashion crime. My question is why is there a sock monster? I would much rather have an Undershirt Monster. I would atleast be able to count how many undershirts I had stolen from me. Actually the Sock Monster has stolen enough socks from me that i can count them now. There is no way to stop him. He’s like the Jamal Crawford of chores. He’s good at one thing: Crime. He steals real well but no one wants to be beaten senseless by the lack of sock attire. I hate the sock monster.

Mexican Word of the Week: Sodas

SK: “Damn that girl is has a nice ass”
Sam Bam: “SODAS her sister!”

Big Board of College Stories: Cont. from Valentines

I left out a lot that happened in 201 so I’ll start from early Saturday

Stormin’ Normin’s parents came to see the game so they brought him food and sodas and stuff. So when his mom went to put it in the refrigerator. When a mother goes into the refrigerator in a college dorm room, nothing good happens. 201 expected for her to see the untouched 30 hanging out but not the random bowl in there. So his mom wasn’t too happy but didn’t care too much. No one knows how or why the bowl was in the fridge and no one knows who’s it was. It disappeared the next day.

Later that night: The Golden One brought a girl back to the room and they had a lot of fun. Unfortunately he busted all over Stormin’ Normins desk and left a condom on a chair. Stormin may or may not have gotten him back later that night when he passed out in his chair and possibly threw up and the ground next to The Golden One’s bed. Some may have gotten on the bed. Stormin doesn’t recall throwing up but Tailor Made says he thought he was. No one knows.

Mexican Word of the Week: Meter

SK got cornrows and Sam asked, “Who did you doo ‘cus I would like to METER.”