Big Board of Buds: Sean “SK” Kelly

Today’s Bud is the ever exciting SK. Sean Gerald Kelly was born in a Buick on the way to the hospital. According to Officer Brian “Big Bri” Kelly, his first son Patrick was being an “absolute shit head”. Fortunatly SK was fine and set to lead a evangelical lifestyle. While most younger siblings try to follow in their brothers footsteps, Sean was quiet different. He opted to not only follow his brother loyally, but to be his right hand man. During the First Lutherean Elementry School days, Sean could be seen playing hardball and picking on kids with his older brother and their top cronies Daniel Gaines and Jonathan Massey. According to various sources in the school, Massey was trying to get a few guys to take out Pat because of his part in the improbable comeback against arch-rival Blessed Sacrament in World War VIII. Pat led the Massey-less Eagles to a 23 point comeback for their first ever victory over the Chiefs. Massey was pissed that he wasn’t the man, and wanted Pat gone. Unfortunatly for Massey, SK got wind of this and did unspeakable things to this poor kid which led to his transfer of cities. After that people started calling him The Shamrock Kid. The Shamrock Kid was put in charge of all Pat’s top secret plans for destruction which included wrecking havoc on the neighborhood and other kids that disrespected the hood. Once Pat graduated and moved onto high school, Sean got very religious and swore off partying for good. With Sean being able to keep him in line, Pat started partying like never before but once Pat joined the Bible readings everything went downhill from there. Sean became sucked in by frontrunners and started smoking nothing but the best cigars in Shell. Rumor has it that SK smoked 13.45 Grape Blunts in one night. All Sean wanted to do was make his brother proud and he did. While Pat was dating his former girlfriend “Cassie”, Cassie came onto SK and said that she only wanted to be with him. Being a bigger person, SK turned her down and telling Pat which effectively ending the relationship. However Sean went on a few slumpbusting roundtrippers with a few questionable girls and became sick. Doctors feared the worst and told him he was either going to die of malaria or have a soft case of AIDs. Distraught out of his mind SK prayed to Jesus, his Lord and Savior, and swore off the hard life for 24 months 32 days and 5 hours. Miraculously, Sean became well after seeing the light. After that happy turn of events, SK not a liar to God’s son, turned straight as he said he would. Sean went on to become one of the top baseball players in Holyoke, winning a state title and a Fall League MVP award. Sean earned the nickname S10, for how many hits he expected to get in a game. Currently, SK keeps a low profile at all the Holyoke High School Parties because Tom Brassil believes hes got DI material. Sean enjoys growing his side burns, participating in sports, and praying. He hopes to one day become bald and have facial hair that grows on his chin. He hates hoes, bitches, punks and people who act questionable. In his spare time he likes to draw pictures of baseball players and getting autograph. Friends across the globe have called him “a Man’s Man”, “The next Big Bri”, or “Sean”. Also Sean was a former rapper and was compared to Lil Bow Wow in Hardball because of his girlish voice. Also of note, his favorite quote is “Gotta have my Chops.”

Big Board of Beer

This is where I am going to rank all the bottled beers that I’ve tried.

1. Bud Light ……………………… Its the beer that I drink the most on account of that its the best option at 7/11. I find it to have a crisp refreshing taste.
2. Sam Adams Light ………….. Its definitely one of the tastiest beers around but its hard to find at local convenience stores and I don’t know if I’d be able to have a real special night drinking it.
3. Sam Adams Summer Ale…… Again its a very tasty brew but its hard to find and a seasonal beer.
4. Corona…………………………… My favorite beach drink. I never use to like to drink it but as a friend once advised me, try 5 or 6 and tell me it doesn’t start to taste like candy.
5. Miller Lite……………………….. It doesn’t have a distinguishing taste such as Bud Light but I find it to be easy to drink and I always enjoy when they have commemorative cans such as the Boston Celtics Championship one.
6. Budweiser……………………….. Taste like a heavier version of Bud Light.
7. Mike’s Hard Lemonade……… I find it a relaxing alternative to have one or two before I switch to Bud Light.
8. Miller High Life……………….. Its like Miller Lite but not. I find that I live a better version of life when I drink this
9. Coors Light ……………………. Some call it a rookie beer but I find that people who really like it, really like it. I liken it to White Castle. As for the taste, I just never got into it.
10. Heineken Light…………………. My second favorite foreign beer. Brian Callahan likes it but I just don’t see the flare
11. Michelob Light………………….. Its got a taste in between Coors Light and Miller Lite. I’d have to drink it more for it to be able to move up on the charts
12. Budweiser Select………………… Its definitly in the same family as Bud and Bud Light but I would have to try more of it for it to move up. Its the official beer of Mike Rohan
13. Amstel Light …………………….. Taste is solid but the after taste is killer. Its also foriegn.
14. Heinken……………………………. Its not for me but Tommy Loftus drinks it so it must be good once you get use to it. I just don’t like foriegn beer I guess.
15. Red Stripe…………………………. Hooray beer, just not more than 2 of this one. Can’t stand the after taste.
16. Corona Light……………………… Its terrible.
17. Bud Light Lime…………………… If I want a lime in my beer, I’ll put one in.
18. Rolling Rock………………………. I guess I don’t like green bottles… or this particular brew.
19. Samuel Adams Boston Lager….. Don’t like lagers that express it loudly either.
20. Coors……………………………….. The Banquet Beer… sucks. You know you blow when Danny Gaines would rather throw you at a stop sign than drink you.
21. Michelob Ultra……………………. Its Ultra Light and has an Ultra weird taste that gives me a headache before I finish one.
22. Michelob Lager…………………… This lagers aint good.
23. Twisted Tea……………………….. If I wanted a hard tea, I would make my own.
24. Smirinoff Crap…………………….. Its crap.

Big Board of Buds: Pat “PKP” Kelly

Today’s Bud is the one and only PKP. Born Pat Michael Kelly, PK quickly gained noteriety in his early days at First Lutherean. Him and his cronies were little hellraisers in the school, on the bus, and on the basketball court. Pat was seen making kids jump in the dumpster without shoes, throwing rocks at old ladies cars and getting more techinicals that rasheed wallace. At the start of high school, Pat stayed under the radar and found himself at home on the baseball diamond where coach Taupier called him a dirtdawg. Unfortunatly he found himself in more trouble sophomore year when his first album, Gametime, dropped. Parents were outraged at this “Foulmouth Fuck” and how he treated women. However his hit song “The Batalion” was still popping at full blast around various neighborhoods. Later that year, partying hard became a small hobby of his. He quickly gained a rep with the Holyoke Police Department when he was seen hiding in the bushes of a raging party. He was later seen giving dabs to the cops smelling of rasperberry vodka. Luckliy his brother, Sean, was able to keep him out of trouble by walking him home. Apparently PK didn’t learn his lesson as he was soon breaking into hottubs and chilling in them while experimenting with steroids. Once senior year came Pat appeared to becoming a model citizen as for the first time he was clean of drugs and sober for 3 months. Pat however refused to leave the hood and turned back to his old ways by terrorizing the town on October 31st. Witnesses say the lean white 5′9 killing machine was tearing down signs that said Kelly Way. He was later qouted as saying “Its the Kelly Way or outta my way, bitch.” Pat turned into a partying machine 4 months later and became half the quality beirut team “The Terrible Towels”. Pat has started his next album POt O GOld which will be coming out later this year. Pat spends most of his time thugging it at the mall or drinking with his new found “team” of hooligans. His hobbies include rapping, drumming on empty coolers, drinking, fishing, working out and being an avid fan of sports. His favorite teams are the Boston Celtics, the Umass Minutemen, the New York Mets, and the New England Patriots and Miller Lite. He hates Jason Varitek and wishes he could be a pro wrestler in the WWE. He has been called the Lastings Milledge of the underground rap community meaning that his subpar performance will be exceeded in the next go round.

The Big Board of Drafting in Fantasy Football

Fantasy Football is a true testament of ones man knowledge. So in order to prove your worth your going to need to know who to draft and in what round. The rankings will be done according to cbssportsline’s top 200 and ill give my opinion of what kind of crap they have up there. So lets begin…

1. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, SD …………………………. It’s tough to argue against this. His numbers are always at the very top of scoring and he looks to be fully recovered from that playoff injury. Taking this guy is really low risk, high reward.
2. Brian Westbrook, RB, PHI ……………………………….. This spot is way to high for him. While he is all of Philly’s offense and a #1 back, he stopped at the one yard line in order to win a game… he definitly cost many owners there. I would look toward Adrian Peterson at this spot.
3. Adrian Peterson, RB, MIN ……………………………….. If you had this guy last year, you probably won a lot of games. I don’t think he’ll be able to duplicate last years performance; however he is the second best back in the NFL.
4. Tom Brady, QB, NE ………………………………………… He put up legendary numbers last year and I don’t think he’ll be able to do that again. His stats should compete for the best QB in the league with Peyton Manning but will not be as good as last year. His foot injury also raises some questions but I think he’ll be fine for the season
5. Steven Jackson, RB, STL …………………………………. He is one of the premiere RBs in the game. He catches the ball out of the back field, scores touchdowns and gains yards on the ground. Unfortunetaly he plays for the Rams and has had injury problems. He is the 3rd best RB when he’s healthy. If you take him make sure to take his backup in the later rounds.
6. Joesph Addai, RB, IND …………………………………… Because of Steven Jackson’s injury issues, Addai is probably the safest bet at putting up top numbers for a running back next to LT and AP. The Colts win a lot and Addai will be killing the clock on the ground. Addai also catches balls out of the backfield and has the ability to bust a huge gain.
7. Peyton Manning, QB, IND……………………………….. Expect almost the same numbers from Manning as you have in the previous years. He will certainly put up those numbers and will compete for top QB at the end of the year.
8. Clinton Portis, RB, WAS ………………………………….. This spot seems a little high for Portis. He doesn’t have the legs he use to and shares carries with LaDell Betts. Portis is a high end number 2 running back and I don’t expect him to put up numbers that one should expect with the 8th pick.
9. Frank Gore, RB, SF …………………………………………. Gore is one of the best running backs in the league but he plays on San Francisco. That means not as many carries as he should get bacause thye will be throwing the ball in late game situations. I still expect Gore to put up number one fantasy numbers if he stays healthy
10. Marion Barber, RB, DAL …………………………………. This guy is finally the main guy in Dallas. Expect him to improve on his already solid numbers. If he falls to number 10, your in good company because he is definitly a top 5 back
11. Marshawn Lynch, RB, BUF ……………………………… This is a very good spot for him. He catches the ball out of the backfield and can carry the load on the ground. Expect him to skip the sophomore slump and put up number 1 running back numbers.
12. Larry Johnson, RB, KC …………………………………… LJ is getting older and his numbers are going to decline. Herm Edwards likes to run the ball and will keep his stats around a lowend number one running back to a high end number 2