Big Board of Sports: NFL What I’m Thankful For

What I’m thankful for….

Arizona Cardinals-Winter Gloves

Atlanta Falcons- PETA

Baltimore Ravens- the flu

Buffalo Bills-Toronto’s Hospitality

Carolina Panthers- Tommy John Surgery

Chicago Bears- Matt Forte

Cincinnati Bengals- Spanish

Cleveland Browns- Brownie the Elf

Dallas Cowboys- Roy Williamses

Denver Broncos- Medical Advancements in Diabetes

Detroit Lions- Matt Millan

Green Bay Packers- Lambeau Leap

Houston Texans- Week 2 Bye

Indianapolis Colts- Peyton Manning’s commercials

Jacksonville Jaguars- Game Day Suits

Kansas City Chiefs- Herm Edwards’ great coaching

Miami Dolphins- the Wildcat

Minnesota Vikings- Weight-loss Pills

New England Patriots- 5^th string running backs

New Orleans Saints- the Lazer Rocket arm of Drew Brees

New York Giants- Citizen’s Watches

New York Jets- The always comfortable Wranglers

Oakland Raiders- No more D’Angelo Hall

Philadelphia Eagles- Chunky Soup

Pittsburgh Steelers- throw back unis

San Diego Chargers- black visors

San Francisco 49ers- Belts

Seattle Seahawks-the Sonics… ahh crap

St. Louis Rams- Steven Jackson’s Durability

Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Raymond James Stadium home of Super Bowl 33

Tennessee Titans-AA meetings

Washington Redskins- Racism

NFL- Gene Upshaw’s first name not being Fred

Big Board of Beer/Stories: Labet Blue

So Friday started and it was pretty much like every Friday here. Pregame party then back to the dorm. Then room 201 decided to have a late night with the 80 beers in their room. I participated and it was a good time so when I got tired I just went back to my room to sleep. So I wake up at 6:15 thinking its like 9 or 10 because of the sun and go to the bathroom. Right as I’m walking in, Matty Storm from 201 is walking out. Now I’m thinking wow this kid doesn’t need sleep but then he says “WE’RE STILL FUNNELING!” I’m check my phone and I’m like wow what a party. So I go back to sleep and then go to the basketball game at 2. My head is pounding and I’m just real tired. So I’m thinking nap then party but my friend asked me to go to a North of the Border party at 5 in the afternoon. I’m like alright I’m getting SAMMERED tonight. We get there tap the Labet Blue keg and its game on. Now Labet Blue is some seriously tasty beer. I don’t know if it was because I’m use to crappy keg beer or what but this was a magical match for the night. Now because I had 2 friends that knew the owner, we got free cups and because we got there so early we had 4 kegs til people started showing up. The goal of the night was to go beer for beer with everyone and that seemed like a great idea until about 11:30 when I went outside to take a leek. Apparently chugging a ton of beer is a great idea to get really drunk is a great way to have a lot of fun. Anyway as I’m taking a leak, I just hit a wall of sleepiness. My bright idea was to walk back to my dorm and take an hour nap. As I’m walking I start to see my breathe and I’m A-Mazed at this. I’ve lived in New England my whole life and I see this all the time but for some reason I was like WOW THIS IS SO COOL. I literally spent 13 extra minutes outside just practicing being a dragon. Finally when I go into the dorm, I walk up and go in my room to take my nap. As I’m trying to get into bed I trip on all the clothes I have piled up and just flat out tackle my fan. I remember thinking I am NOT that drunk. So I get into my bed, and am like time to snooze. I roll over and fall flat off the bed. My roommates are laughing their asses off and I’m like darn I am that drunk. Overall I think it was a great night even though I passed out mad early. Some quotes for thought:

“I’m 100% sure I pissed myself”- I didn’t piss myself. I was trying to say I’m 100% sure I will piss myself if I don’t piss right now.

“Peppermint stick is Santa’s favorite Ice Cream”- It is but I don’t know where that came from

“If a New Jersey person passes me, I’m ripping them a new asshole.”- New Jersey is number 1 on the worst state list.

Big Board of Reviews: Labet Blue (Draft)- Tasty and a Good Experience but its Canadian so it gets a B. Further Review is Expected.

Big Board of Thoughts: Coco Crisp Trade

Boston: Ramon Ramirez

Kansas City: Coco Crisp

I personally think the Sox could have traded Crisp for something more but this youngster has tremendous upside. He throws hard and is young but I don’t know if he can help them right away. By trading Crisp, this opens the door permanently for Ellsbury. Kansas City got a solid center fielder who will probably be their best hitter.

Grades: Both get a B because we just don’t know how good Ramon Ramirez is.

Big Board of Buds: Michael “The Italian Stallion” Afflitto Jr.

Michael Afflitto Jr. was born into a life of crime on June 9th, 1990. His father was the Don in the local Italian mob. Mike is set to inherit a large sum of money when he graduates college but the road to success has been a long and tough one. When he was 2 years old, his father pointed a revolver at him. Little Mike stared down the barrel like a pure Italian thug and survived the first test his father put out on him. Unfortunately when Mike ran to hug his father, he tripped and knocked his head on the pavement. After that, fear was nothing but a mystery to him. With the help of his cronies, “Irish” Pat Kelly and Sean ” The Shamrock Kid” Kelly, Mike terrorized the neighborhood at the ripe age of 5. According to various mothers, they would throw rocks at local school boys such as Pat Hogan because he wasn’t tough enough yet. Mike’s mother,Patrice , saw his dangerous actions as “boys will be boys” but still sent him to the “reform” school known as Alice’s House. This is where Mike met future G, Brian Reardon. While these two achieved the timeout seat often, they never blatantly broke the law until they began fixing soccer games from 2003-2007. After Alice’s house, Mike enrolled at Mater Delarosa School. Mike met “Sampy the First”, Drew “Constantinople” Anderson, and Jeff “Moonbagger” McCarthy here. These kids were notorious for pulling pranks on classmates most notably the mooning of James “Bologna” Maloney. While Mike and Jeff both performed the act, Jeff was caught and forced to move out of the state. Mike, being distraught at the loss of his boy, beat up the tattle tale, Frank Rigali. Mike bloodied the kid and received his first detention. While many parents would be upset with the morality not displayed, the Afflitto’s were proud and gave him a big plate of Spaghetti when he returned home. In 7th grade, Mike started to evolve into a pure Italian lover, having affairs with four different ladies, “Chippy”, “Cocoa”, “LC” and “Tomato Face”. When one of his relationships was on the rocks, Mike pelted the Biela’s house with snowballs. Mike also experienced his first homoerotic act while playing basketball when a player on West Springfield touched him inappropriately. Mike would hold this in until his final game at Amherst where Willie “Billy” Kelly, Mike “Big Game” Rohan and him would all receive technicals for punching the opponents. Mike then went on to high school where he followed in his father’s footsteps. Mike incorporated his skill in sex, sports and school work to get ahead of the game. Freshman year he dominated 3 sports while drinking at an unheard of level for a true freshman. Sophomore year is where all the fun began. Mike was featured on the album “Gametime” with Irish Pat, SK, and Chris. The CD sold millions. The Mike had his first experience with the cops when a chauffeur was pulled over with beer in the car. The cop would let them go because he knew who he was. This year also saw Mike host a legendary party where Irish Pat would give dabs to the cops and get his ass kicked by the Shamrock Kid for being too drunk. Mike also pelted many houses with eggs with his crony Matty “Cal” Caligaris. The minimum was 12 eggs per house and they never got caught due to the absolute speed of the two. The second case of homosexuality occurred in this year also. Sean Noonan wanted to play the Mystery Box game and Mike wanted to play a prank. Mike stealthily cut a hole in the bottom of the box and put his hot dog in the hole. As Sean tried to find a snack, he grabbed Mike’s twinkee where he proceeded to rub it for a good while. Mike liked it for a short time then decided once and for all that he liked girls. Then junior year Mike started attending Umass hockey games with 12 of his best friends. He thoroughly enjoyed them. Senior year is where The Italian Stallion would earn his nickname. Mike had to show his father that he was indeed ready for college, so he had to show brotherhood and fearlessness. Mike achieved both these, the first by stealing Francis Ave. for his friend, Chase Francis, and the last by seeing the face of death. On February 20th 2008, Mike was with a few friends when they were pulled over by the cops in Southhampton. Mike got out of the car and said “I am THE Italian Stallion!” The cops drew their guns and said get down on the pavement. Mike replied “You may shoot me, search me, or fondle me but I will be going on my way right now.” Then the cops realized they were seeing the future of crime ride away. Perplexed by the notoriety, the cops just watched as Mike rode off into the streets. A legend was born, breed and sent to college. Mike enjoys baseball, rap music, drinking beer, drinking road beers, shooting stop signs and beating unworthy people down with his bare hands.

33’s Beef

This is a NEW! segment by the man known as Matthew David Caligaris I.

My first beef is with the idea that there are not enough black head coaches in college football. I want to say right now that I am not racist. It is sad that I have to say it, but these days it seems like everyone needs to be politically correct.

We learned this past week that Tyrone Willingham from Washington and Ron Prince from Kansas State will not be back as the head coaches of their respective teams. This of course caused an uproar as it does every time a black head coach is fired or dismissed. The problem now is that the number of black head coaches in college football’s FBS is down to four. Some people are outraged and think that college football should institute something like the NFL’s Rooney Rule which states that every team must interview a black candidate for head coach of their team. I have a beef with this because people do not understand that college football is the most popular and important college sport to universities and colleges that are in the FBS and athletic directors are not not hiring black head coaches simply because they are African American. They are not hiring black head coaches because they are looking for who will help them win. If someone can name a black head coach who has been successful in the game of college football then please bring it here. Before black head coaches start getting more of an opportunity, they need to win. Right now Randy Shannon at Miami is in a prime position to start the movement. He is at a big time program that needs rebuilding. If he can get them back to national prominence, then I expect to see more black head coaches in college football. Remember winning is the first goal to every school. It is not the color of one’s skin!

Pat’s Platinum Song of the Week

Recession by Ya Boy

D-Hood’s Good Call Bad Call

Good Call- Cheesy Bread

Bad Call- Big Ass Shots of Whiskey

Big Board of Thoughts: Top 7 Days of the Week

1. Friday- Everyone looks forward to Friday. High school is built around Fridays, College’s best parties are on Friday and Working folk celebrate not working on this day. Its what every day works toward being. It is the Chuck Norris of Days.
2. Saturday- If this was only a college season, it would be fourth but because its not its second. Saturday’s are Thursdays and Fridays bitch in college. Its a great day for every other time though because it gives a day of doing nothing. Just lounging
3. Thursday-  Narrowly edging Monday because its at the end of the week. Thirsty Thursday start the drinking week. People get to Thursday and think wow I love drinking and its almost Friday.
4. Monday- Messed Up Monday is a unique day in that its the start of the week which sucks but you get really drunk and have a lot of fun. Monday Night Football + Beer + Girls= Yes!
5. Sunday- Football is great, Long weekends are great but doing homework for Monday blows. If it was a long weekend every week, Sunday would be number 2.
6. Tuesday- A close relative of Wednesday, Tuesday gets the edge because Tuesdays are filled with hope. People realize that they have to do stuff for 5 days a week and Tuesday is still the begining. Things can go well on a Tuesday such as extralong holidays. I would rather be a Tuesday than a Wednesday
7. Wednesday- No one looks forward to Wednesday during any week. If we didn’t need 7 days in a week, Wednesday would be the first to go. Wednesday’s the day where people get pissed off, don’t feel like doing anything and just want it to be Friday.

Mexican Word of the Week: Injure

Sam was playing basketball when SK crossed him up and dunked on him. Everyone was like “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh” and SK goes, “INJURE face Cabron”

Big Board of Beers: Drinking Games

The Legendary James McAndrew is doing a Drinking Game of the Week. He is notorious for not updating the blog every week but here’s his link.