Big Board of Thoughts: Dirty Doug Aftermath

His screen name is not actually littledick888. He says having a little dick is news to him. Enjoy

littledick888: hey
littledick888: she was cool with it
littledick888: and the next morning i regreted it
Me: does your piss still burn
littledick888: haha no
littledick888: its smooth like silk
littledick888: thanks for reminding me though im gonna put a condom in my wallet right now
littledick888: for future adventures of dirty doug
Me: what was going through your mind
littledick888: i was just like “awww fuck”
littledick888: then i think i went piss and went back to sleep
littledick888: it(sex) actually took pretty fucking long
littledick888: i had what is refered to as whiskey dick
littledick888: bc i was quite drunk at the time
littledick888: right when i got there i played 3 games of 6 cup grain ruit
littledick888: and the rugby house makes strong grain

Big Board of Thoughts: Sock Monster

The Sock Monster is a creature that dwells by washing machines everywhere. He has never been seen but always leaves atleast 3 unmatched pairs. He never eats the same kind of sock twice leaving the person with unmatched socks leading to a fashion crime. My question is why is there a sock monster? I would much rather have an Undershirt Monster. I would atleast be able to count how many undershirts I had stolen from me. Actually the Sock Monster has stolen enough socks from me that i can count them now. There is no way to stop him. He’s like the Jamal Crawford of chores. He’s good at one thing: Crime. He steals real well but no one wants to be beaten senseless by the lack of sock attire. I hate the sock monster.

Big Board of Thoughts: No Cell Phone

Having no cell phone sucks. I rely on my cell phone for an alarm clock, phone, phone book and watch. Without any of those, I’m lost in the dark. I hope the day never comes when cell phones become obsolete. I miss my phone

Big Board of Thoughts: Super Bowl

The excitement in the Super Bowl definitely surprised me. I was not expecting the Cards to have any fight in them after getting absolutely dominated in the first quarter. So we’ll go to things I liked:

• The comebacks by both the Steelers and the Cardinals. I was very impressed that both teams had fight in them and two exceptional wideouts, Fitzgerald and Holmes, came to play.
• Santanio Holmes’ catch after he dropped a much easier pass the play before. What a way to win the game and redeem himself.
• A couple of commercials most notably the Coke Peter and the Wolf one and the Miller High Life one
• the touchdown porno
• Gambling
• Bruce

Things I didn’t like

• 80% of the commercials
• Larry Fitzgerald Sr…. Show some emotion

Big Board of Thoughts: Back

First off, I want to say that I’m looking forward to starting up again and that we are going to be very active over the next couple weeks.

A giant thank you to Moira Murphy for having us over a few times this vacation. Apparently Moira is a big fan of this website so she might get a Big Board of Bud shout out in the coming weeks. Next another thank you to Kyle Anderson for hooking me and Hood up at Kristin’s. Without you PK and SK would have drank all our beer. Next thank you goes to Shell, Osi and 7/11. We love you guys.

Thoughts

Why do high school movies insist on having white people dunk like its so easy?
How did the genetic mutation for Asians come about? White people blend in with the snow, blacks with the jungle, tans with the sand but where do yellow people fit in?
What is the point of an education? Wouldn’t the world be better off with apprentices still?
Why are the Cards in the Super Bowl?
What do Chinese and Japanese people use for keyboards? They have way more symbols and stuff than normal people do. Is the keyboard gigantic? Does it have every symbol or does it have half symbols? How long does it take them to write a paper? Do they even know where the keys are?

Big Board of Thoughts: Naked Man Poses

The Naked Man is a strategic move used in order to initate intercourse. While it works a gauranteed 2 out of 3 times, it risks jail time if the other person disapproves. The Naked Man is a move that is started by asking to visit the partners bathroom, bedroom or other area that sex would be appropriate in. Once in the target area, the “Naked Man” strips clothes and waits for the other person. The pose is key because when the other person walks in, The Naked Man must give off a sexual vibe. In this section we will examine a few poses.

Superman: The most common Naked Man pose because of the simplicity of the move as well as the prominence displayed. This move says I am THE man of Steel.

Captain Morgan: Not too difficult to pull off but a a prop is needed. Displaying prominence would be hard if the prop was not facing in the ideal direction. The Captain Morgan also displays cockiness and can be confused with being too into onesself.

Oops I Didn’t See You There: Very easy to do but hard to actually do the deed because it makes it seem like an accident.

The Thinker: Displays prominence but needs a prop. Not very common because it does not generate laughs like the Captain Morgan but is very similiar to it.

The Heisman: Very Rare. Pulling this pose off would be very difficult due to balance issues, laughability, and knowledge. Not only do you have to stay in the pose for a while but also display why you want to have sex. It may be misconstrued as a joke but accomplishing this pose would make the person a legend.

Mr. Clean: Not as common as the Superman but not as rare as the Thinker. Can be seen as too serious if done with a serious face or laughable if done with a silly face. The face really makes or breaks this pose because of the simple arm effect.

Burt Reynolds: Easiest to pull off in a bedroom/dormroom because its a space saver. It may be one of the easiest to use because it displays the message of what your trying to accomplish right away.

To see the history of The Naked Man click here

To see the poses displayed for cable TV click here

Big Board of Thoughts: Thoughts I Thought

• Jesus- If he was alive today, what would Jesus wear? He dressed like he was from the 0s when he was alive but that was because he was in the 0s. Would he change his beard and clothes to blend in or would he stay the same because he’s Jesus?
• Trees- Would would they say if they could talk? Do they enjoy being climbed on? Do they like sleeping for all of winter? Do they like being touched by squirrels? Does it hurt to lose nuts, fruit and leaves or is it like losing hair?
• Fantasy Football- Great Game, No Questions
• Showers- Is there anything better than sleeping in the shower? Its so relaxing and it combines two of my favorite lazy things, sleeping and being hit with warm water. Its like peanut butter and jelly inthat its awesome.
• Accounting- How is anyone an accountant? I can’t even stay awake in the class let alone if it was my life.
• Betting- Its awesome
• God- Was God mad that the Greeks liked Zues. I mean he’s an incredibly cool god. I know I’d admire him if I knew I created everything in the world

Big Board of Thoughts: Coco Crisp Trade

Boston: Ramon Ramirez

Kansas City: Coco Crisp

I personally think the Sox could have traded Crisp for something more but this youngster has tremendous upside. He throws hard and is young but I don’t know if he can help them right away. By trading Crisp, this opens the door permanently for Ellsbury. Kansas City got a solid center fielder who will probably be their best hitter.

Grades: Both get a B because we just don’t know how good Ramon Ramirez is.

Big Board of Thoughts: Top 7 Days of the Week

1. Friday- Everyone looks forward to Friday. High school is built around Fridays, College’s best parties are on Friday and Working folk celebrate not working on this day. Its what every day works toward being. It is the Chuck Norris of Days.
2. Saturday- If this was only a college season, it would be fourth but because its not its second. Saturday’s are Thursdays and Fridays bitch in college. Its a great day for every other time though because it gives a day of doing nothing. Just lounging
3. Thursday-  Narrowly edging Monday because its at the end of the week. Thirsty Thursday start the drinking week. People get to Thursday and think wow I love drinking and its almost Friday.
4. Monday- Messed Up Monday is a unique day in that its the start of the week which sucks but you get really drunk and have a lot of fun. Monday Night Football + Beer + Girls= Yes!
5. Sunday- Football is great, Long weekends are great but doing homework for Monday blows. If it was a long weekend every week, Sunday would be number 2.
6. Tuesday- A close relative of Wednesday, Tuesday gets the edge because Tuesdays are filled with hope. People realize that they have to do stuff for 5 days a week and Tuesday is still the begining. Things can go well on a Tuesday such as extralong holidays. I would rather be a Tuesday than a Wednesday
7. Wednesday- No one looks forward to Wednesday during any week. If we didn’t need 7 days in a week, Wednesday would be the first to go. Wednesday’s the day where people get pissed off, don’t feel like doing anything and just want it to be Friday.

Big Board of Thoughts: Jesus and his Time Machine

The thoughts of God and religion and the afterlife are pretty perplexing so I’m not going to dabble into them but I will talk about Jesus. While I do belive Jesus was the son of God, I think God gave him a time machine. Jesus was quite smart and had a parable for every situation which means that he could have been born way ahead of time, gotten knowledge from the future then gone back in time to the year 0 and use all his wisdom. God could have given him a time machine which enabled him to go back and forth which explains why there hasnt been a new new testament yet because Jesus hasn’t gone back to the future time yet. Jesus will bless us again and we can thank God for the Jesus time machine.